GarbageTalk: Why Is It So Easy To Hate Jay Cutler?

Recently, People Magazine reported that a Jay Cutler signed football got ZERO bids at a pet-adoption charity auction.  Now, you could chalk that up to the fact that there may not have been any NFL football fans at a pet-adoption charity event … but I think the likelihood of that is extremely remote.  So then, why do people seem to hate everything Jay Cutler?

I get the obvious—that Chicago partially blames him for the Bear’s problems, which may or may not be fair with all of the coaching changes, the lack of offensive line, his high salary and the defense that needs major help this off-season.  But that alone can’t explain away why it is so hard to like Jay Cutler.  I mean Tony Romo’s salary is about the same as Cutler’s and his knack for choking in the post-season is impressive, yet Dallas fans continue to support him.

Now, I realize his wife is Kristen Cavallari, who, while very attractive, has her own squadron of haters out there.  But, I mean, plenty of people also hate Gisele, and still love Tom Brady (despite his many flaws that include doing commercials for Ugg).   So that’s not it either.

I think Joanne Kong touched on the Jay Cutler’s problem in her article posted a couple of weeks ago, when she called him “stand-offish” and a “pouty looking guy.”   To put it coloquially, I think Cutler’s problem is that he has douchy resting face or DRF.

Now most of America is familiar with the female version of this … bitchy resting face or resting bitch face or just BRF.  BRF is a condition affecting women that makes them look bitchy even when they may in fact be very happy.  A classic example of someone with this problem is Anna Paquin, who in 2013 lamented the condition to Jimmy Kimmel.  Here is an example:

Now, while BRF has been explored and talked about throughout the media (see any Real Housewives episodes … though in my opinion, most of those women use BRF to excuse their nasty conduct—see Brandi Glanville), we do not hear much of the dude equivalent.  Why not?

Is it because we as a society focus more on women’s looks than men’s?  Is it because men just don’t care whether they look douchy or not?  Or because society will put up with watching women cat fights, but not man cat fights?  I mean who wants to watch Mauricio and Ken duke it out?  Boring!  Anyway, I think Jay’s douchy resting face affects how we perceive him and his attitude.

I mean, he looks like he just doesn’t give a damn.  On the field, off the field, whether the Bears are up by 20 or down by 15.  Is this perception, reality?  I don’t believe so.  I’ve seen him continue to play through numerous sacks, play when hurt, and try to make the big plays (even when the receiver isn’t there).

On top of that, he’s a good dad, as reported by his wife Kristen to US Weekly back in 2014.  Sure, the Laguna Beach all-star is sharing her life with the media because well, America is obsessed with reality or at least semi-reality, TV, but she didn’t have to say anything.

Anyway … I feel bad for Jay.  To me he seems like a chill dude, who cares about the game and his family and could simply care less about the media.  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have passion for the game … I mean he is still an elite QB who, I believe, can win.  In fact, he’s done well these last few years despite getting married and having two kids!  That said, he is never going to inspire passion for the game like Philip Rivers.

I mean … talk about extremes.  Rivers’ facial expressions ooze passion.  You would never question whether he was into the game.  He wears his emotions on his sleeve.  Does that mean he has more passion for the game?  In this botox-happy world we now live in, where people freeze their faces to “preserve” them from aging, do people really value expression over expressionless faces?  Really?

Anyway, I had the opportunity to sit down with Jay’s Yorkie, Bardot Cavallari-Cutler, to get the low-down from one of the family dogs … yeah, that’s right.  Here at Football GarbageTalk we don’t discriminate.  Man, woman, animal, we’ll interview them all!  Here’s the transcript America:

FBGT: Hi Bardot!

BCC: …

FBGT: Err, good to have you here today.

BCC: Ruff … Ruff.

FBGT: Ah, you do talk.  Great! Let me ask you a question, Bardot.  Is Jay a good owner?

BCC: Ruff, ruff.

FBGT:  Excellent.  So then he pets you behind the ears and lets you cuddle up next to him when he watches TV?

BCC: RUFF.

FBGT: So, let me ask you this.  Do you resonate with my analysis of Jay having douchy resting face?

BCC: RUFF RUFF!

FBGT:  I see.  And why is that?  Is it because you, yourself, as seen in the below picture suffer from douchy dog face, or DDF?

BCC: RUFF RUFF RUFF!

FBGT: OK.  So you weren’t pissed at Jay when he was walking you that day.  You weren’t like all growly and muttering about how he made you put that collar on for the walk around town?  That’s just your normal, everyday face, then?

BCC: Ruff, Ruff.

FBGT: I see.  Well, thank you Bardot.  Thank’s very much.  Before we finish, I have one more question for you.   Do you think that Jay’s douchy resting face is partially because he is always reminded that he doesn’t look like this Jay Cutler?

BCC: Grrrrrrrrr.  Grrrrrrr.

FBGT:  Wooaaahh.  Kristen, Kristen! Bardot doesn’t bite does he?  Oh, crap, he looks mad!  Wait, wait.  Is that just his douchy dog face?  Oh, man, I’m so confused!

Kristen: Ugh.  This is so, so over.  What a mistake.  Seeing a dog psychic was one thing, but allowing him to be interviewed?  Really?  OMG.  I just can’t.

FBGT: Ok – Kristen, Bardot.  Thanks for coming in!  Really.  Let me shake your paw … or not.  Fist to paw bump!  Boom!  And Kristen, enjoy those Cut-lets!  They grow up quickly!!!

Well, America, there you have it.  Next time you see Jay Cutler, I want you to remember this article.  Remember his affliction, dare I say, his disability, his douchy resting face.

And please, let’s just cut … cut Jay some slack, a’ight?

Cheers!

By John Kirkland

Twitter: @FBGarbageTalk

Disclaimer: GarbageTalk^TM (this Column), is a news and football satire web publication. All articles contained within this Column are fiction, and contain presumably fake news. As such, any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental. All characters and events referenced, even those based on real people, are entirely fictional. Any and all overheard conversations referenced herein have occurred solely in this author’s warped brain and are meant entirely for entertainment purposes.