XFL Week 4 – Everything You Don’t Need to Know (Mostly)

By Joanne Kong

Twitter: @KongFu4U

Let me explain the rules of dodgeball…DODGE, DUCK, DIP, DIVE, DODGE.

Why am I explaining the rules of dodgeball, you might ask?  Well, because it was the highlight of the 2020 Pro Bowl (which is actually a pretty low bar)…

AND…

There’s an XFL team named the Vipers…

OK, perhaps not those Vipers.  Though that would be pretty cool.  It’s actually the Tampa Bay Vipers.

And if you didn’t know, the Vipers had their first win of the season against the DC Defenders.

It’s still hard to say whether the XFL will be a success or a bust, but at the end of week 3 it was said that attendance figures had shown to be trending upward (thanks to the St. Louis Battlehawks fans) while TV ratings have steadily started to decline.

Well, as we wait for how viewership pans out for Week 4, let’s take a look what you definitely don’t need to know this week!

  • Your Standings after Week 4

If you’ve been watching, it’s not surprising that the Houston Roughnecks are undefeated, but those DC Defenders have definitely been on a slide.  If you haven’t been watching, you’re probably wondering what a Battlehawk is.

  • Star(s) of the Week

Saturday:

Unsurprisingly, Jordan Ta’amu, backed by the rabid St. Louis fan base, is the Saturday Star of the Week.

Sunday:

And we have a first for the Sunday Star of the Week…not only is it more than one guy, it’s 11 guys all on the Houston Roughnecks Defense!

  • Will You Marry Me?

Hope is eternal.  Love is (hopefully) forever.  And for everyone that hopes to find their true love one day, here’s what you can look forward to.

You finally meet that one person you’re meant to be with.  You dream about your future together.  Then comes the magical proposal.  It’s what every woman wants…right?  To be proposed to on the jumbotron at an XFL St. Louis Battlehawks’ game after winning the “Football Shuffle” shell game ?…with a bunch of strangers cheering you on…so you can’t say no (even if you wanted to)…so you hide your face because you know you’re an ugly crier (most of us are)…and their still cheering you on like you’ve saved the world…and one guy in sunglasses is getting way too involved in your moment.  Ah LOVE and the XFL…it truly is … something.?

  • Table Surfing…Kind of…

This is a thing…but I wouldn’t suggest trying it in your next tailgate, unless you like being injured or really hate tables.  Well, we all want to pretend we’re part of the Bills Mafia (not really), and the XFL has given the people of St. Louis the opportunity.

Of course, they have a long way to go until they catch up to Bills fans…which is probably a good thing.

  • The Bud Light Seltzer Celebrations Are Going Strong

The Tampa Bay Vipers shut out the DC Defenders on Sunday.  That deserves a cold drink…and an awesome way to drink it…or not drink it as the case may be.

The St. Louis Battlehawks also understand the importance of a celebration.  Of course nothing is more important than safety.  That Bud Seltzer can really sting without proper eye protection.

  • For the Love of the Game…and their Fans

The St. Louis Battlehawks quarterback Ta’Amu changed one boy’s life, giving him the game ball.  Expect to see this kid in fifteen years at the NFL Combine.  Maybe he’ll be in the stands, but he’ll definitely be there.

  • Celebrities in the Stands

The NFL gets celebrity fans like Samuel L. Jackson.

The XFL gets the Easter Bunny, who made a rare appearance in the stands of the New York Guardians game.  Clearly, he was out to party before getting ready for the big Holiday.

Can you say Energizer…he keeps going and going and going… One thing’s for sure, big bunny got moves.?

  • Ouch

The players aren’t the only ones that get hit in the NFL, why should it be any different in the XFL?  The sport of football isn’t for the weak.  Rub some dirt on it and get back out there…right?

  • Taylor Cornelius and the Tampa Bay Vipers

If only Tom Brady played for the XFL.  There are no rules on the inflation of the football, so Tampa Bay quarterback Taylor Cornelius, got to deflate the ball just the way he likes it and brought the Vipers to their first win of the season.

Check back in Week 5 of the XFL for more of what you Definitely Don’t Need to Know (Mostly)!

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