Hate the Seahawks and the Patriots?: Super Bowl Alternatives

January 31, 2015

What? You’re not into football but still want to join in the festivities? Or you just hate both the Seahawks AND the Patriots THAT much that you can’t tolerate them so you can at least watch the commercials?

Not a problem…

Are you into puppies? The 11th annual Puppy Bowl will be airing on Animal Planet at 3pm (re-running throughout the evening so you can watch it multiple times). You’ve never heard of the Puppy Bowl? Then you should put down the book once in a while and turn on the television.

What? You’re not into puppies either? Than maybe you’d be interested in kittens? The 2nd Annual Kitten Bowl on the Hallmark Channel at noon ET.

What? You don’t like kittens either? You’re not into adorable furry animals prancing around? What are you, some sort of robot? Well, perhaps you’d prefer catching the 2nd Annual Fish Bowl on Nat Geo Wild at 6pm-10pm ET.

What is the Fish Bowl, you ask? It’s exactly what it sounds like. You watch fish. In a bowl. For four hours. If you like the Yule Log, you’ll probably like the Fish Bowl. Awesome-sauce.

So now you want nothing to do with animals? You sure are demanding…

Well, are you interested in science fiction (or kinda cheesy low-budget movies)? The SyFy Channel has you covered and will be showing a “vs” series:

Airplane vs. Volcano (5pm-7pm ET);
Asteroid vs. Earth (7pm-9pm ET); and
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (9pm-11pm ET).

These are all NEW SyFy movies. And we know how great SyFy movies are…creators of Sharknado and Sharknado 2…need I say more?

Like more classic science fiction? How about BBC America running a Star Trek: The Next Generation Marathon? Nothing is classier than a Shakespearean actor playing a starship captain!

And if all of that doesn’t catch your fancy, the premium pay channels have some fun retreads for you to watch. You can look forward to the following:

HBO: Leap Year – a romantic comedy staring Amy Adams finding love in Ireland. Yeah, that’s it. – 6:15pm ET;
Cinemax: The Wolverine – Hugh Jackman stars as Marvel’s Wolverine, again. But this time, he’s in Japan! – 5:50pm ET;
Showtime: Step It Up Revolution – staring Cleopatra Coleman in the totally deep and cerebral ‘Step It Up’ series – 5:15pm ET;
Starz: Demolition Man – Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock chase after violent escaped prisoner Wesley Snipes in the non-violent future society. I totally copied that from IMDB. – 6pm ET.

None of that works for you? Well, you’re clearly not human. But hey, all hope isn’t lost, there is an answer for you. Its called NETFLIX and HULU.

And perhaps some therapy.