GarbageTalk: Draft Kings and Fan Duel – Don’t Believe the Hype?

By John Kirkland

Twitter: @FBGarbageTalk

Hellooooo Am-er-ica!

Today let’s talk about get-rich-quick schemes.  Yes, unfortunately, it seems that everyone in America has come to associate the “American Dream” with gettin’ rich quick.  At least Americans do.  Like winning the lottery, or suing the pants off of someone for a fender bender, trying to collect for their “pain and suffering,” and now DraftKings and FanDuel.

I will say though, I still think the immigrants who arrive here to provide for their families back home and earn enough money to bring them over to the States are hard-working souls, willing to work their entire life to build a better life for a next generation, who then sh-t the bed with their earnings … having a sense of entitlement that is endemic to our society.

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Enter the Real Housewives of NJ sons who started two restaurants in Hoboken that have failed.  Ok, technically only one has failed thus far, but I guarantee you the second is well on its way.  I say this having recently visited Little Town Social on First street in Hoboken (why they would name their new pub after the old failed one “Little Town NJ” is beyond me, but whatever).  Yeah, I sit down at the empty bar at 5:30PM on a weekday, only to have no one ask me what I wanted to drink (I wasn’t even eating) for fifteen minutes-despite the four servers standing 10 feet away from me-after which I got up and walked out.  And that’s the second time that happened there … dudes, wake up!  You can’t just set it up and assume it will be successful.  Why do you think your dad works those late hours.  He knows.  The whip need be cracked.  Oh well, too little too late probably.  I assume the laziness of the bar staff is a reflection of the ownership.

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Incidentally, this is also why Donald Trump would be a terrible president, not that I’m a flaming liberal pansy.  Cause I’m not.  But Trump wants to deport all of the hardworking immigrants (or just the working people of America), who I would argue, are the backbone to our society.  They make stuff run.  Stuff that Americans no longer want to do because they’ve got sociology and communication degrees.  Not to rag on you guys, I’m just still angry from college because I studied while everyone else partied (not really, but I figure I’d throw y’all a bone).  Anyway, this is actually one of the smallest problems with Trump, but I’m not here to influence you’re politics.

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Onwards and upwards to football!  Yee-haw!  Have you watched any of the commercials for DraftKings or FanDuel?  How could you not have!  These effe’ing commercials are on all day every game-day.  It’s nauseating!  What’s funny is that initially I found these commercials interesting, not because I’m interested in playing, but because as I listen these commercials, I hear the truth … but only half of it.

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For example, yes!  I’ve won over $1000 playing DraftKings!  OMG!  That’s the half truth.  I’ve also LOST $1300 playing DraftKings.

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Ahh, there’s the other half of the equation.  So net … I’m down $300!!!  What the effe?  I thought this was the answer to all of my money problems!

And what about the million-dollars you can win weekly?  First, you need to spend $25 to get in … hardly a lottery ticket.  Second, you are not going to win.  Trust me.  In order to win, you need to pick players who other people do not pick.  It’s not a game of skill, but a game of statistics.  Statistically, you need to enter in way more than 1 entry and vary your players, taking advantage of players that not many people are going to play.  It would be interesting to know how many players have won a million with only one entry.  Doubt we’ll find out.  These guys are pros.  And you’re not.

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What’s the saying …  #sorrynotsorry?  And, the thought that you are going to play your friends on one of these platforms for money?  That’d be cool if you guys were all splitting the pot, but these companies are taking 10%!  Yeah.  Ten percent.  Hardly a get rich quick scheme.  I’ll stick with the lottery.  At least I only spend one dollar and have a dream.  These fantasy football platforms are not only buzz kills, they also cause you to question your fantasy football skills!  Forget that!

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Follow my lead America … just say no!  Unless you like throwing your money down the toilet every week … in which case, you should donate it to Football Garbage Time.  We’ll give you $10,000 in winnings a year, but take $12,000 and take an additional 10%.  In exchange, we’ll give you a personal call every week to tell you what a crappy fantasy football player you are!

Cheers America.

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