Injuries & Oddities: The “NFL Players Are Weird” Edition

By Ha Kung Wong

Twitter: @FBGarbageTime

We’ve had the injuries run down for the week, so how about a few oddities?  And the theme this week?  Well, just NFL players generally being weird…

RGIII Has an Intern?

First, we hear that RGIII has been benched in favor of Kirk Cousins.  And then we hear that RGIII “Likes” this rant on Instagram criticizing the Redskins organization and insisting on “impeaching” Redskins’ owner, Dan Snyder:

RGIII Liked Instagram

Of course, this doesn’t sit well with management, fans, news media and… well… just about everyone.  Why?  Well, I don’t think it has anything to do with how “great” the Redskins management has been running the team, as we can all agree that there was at least some sort of mismanagement when you trade the future away to get a franchise QB, that franchise QB goes on to be the offensive rookie of the year and bring you to your first playoff berth in forever, and then a short two years later, that same franchise QB has zero value and is riding the pine.

The reason why everyone was up in arms about this is that if you’re on a team, you don’t go criticizing that team in public.  You can go make your complaints known internally and try and make changes that way, but publicly, you show solidarity.  Unfortunately, “liking” a rant that ultimately asks for the teams owner to be tossed out does not show solidarity.

So in the face of all this outrage, RGIII does what we would all do.  He blames his intern.

Classy!

First of all, it’s bizarre that he has an intern because, seriously, what exactly is he interning to be?  A third string quarterback?  An overhyped draft pick that fizzles out in a year because he doesn’t know how to operate as a pocket passer?  Second, RGIII “allegedly” put this unpaid intern in charge of his social media?  Where he has 356K followers on Instagram alone?  Which he clearly knows that fans and media follow?  Not to mention NFL management and his fellow players?  What?  Why in the world would he do that?

I’m sorry, but if it was an intern who did it, then RGIII deserved the ridicule for being stupid enough to put an intern in charge of his social media.  And if it wasn’t an intern, then he’s terrible at making up excuses.  Why not just say the butler did it?  Or his dog did it?  Or aliens did it?  Or Dan Snyder himself did it?  {Gasp!} Now THAT would be a story!

For now, let’s just be glad that this nonsense has distracted us from DeflateGate and the ridiculous attempts of this court artists to draw Tom Brady.  Sheesh.

It’s A TYLER!

Yup, someone had to do it eventually.  Tyler Lockett had an incredible punt return for a TD in the preseason for the Seattle Seahawks and Richard Sherman had the immediate reaction that any normal person would… request that someone dub the awesome Mario Kart theme in the background complete with sound effects!

Ask and you shall receive!  @whoisjoserivera obliged with this amazing video:

Tell me that doesn’t make you want to ask Nintendo to release a Tyler Lockett character for Mario Kart.  You know you want it.

Are you listening, Nintendo?

Beastmode and Skittles May Have an Unhealthy Relationship

So Marshawn Lynch was fined $75K for not talking with the media after the NFC Championship game, which he subsequently was able to settle.  And, of course, we all remember his one man show on Super Bowl Media Day entitle “I’m just here so I won’t get fined”.  But apparently, the reason why Lynch won’t speak to the media is because they didn’t ask him about Skittles.  Because had they asked him about Skittles, perhaps his interview would have been something like this totally bizarre (and sometimes uncomfortable, but entertaining) shopping network (evine.com) bit hocking Skittles in 36 pack blocks with “all five flavors” (which, by the way, I always took for granted that I got “all five flavors” when I bought Skittles, but according to this infomercial, perhaps I was just getting lucky everytime):

So what have we learned?  Even if there is a “cute lady woman” at a party, if there aren’t any Skittles there, Lynch is gone.  Why?  Because Lynch and Skittles are “intimate” and are “one”.  At first I thought this was some kind of joke.  Turns out, it’s a real site selling real Skittles with a real Marshawn Lynch.  It’s particularly funny when they all start modeling various kinds of Skittles jewelry and Lynch says “I do” when presented with a Skittles ring.  But I guess the funniest thing of all is that it made me watch a 5 minute Skittles infomercial. Intentionally. More than once.

Well played, Skittles.  Well played.

Oh, but I do appreciate the fact that my Skittles come with a “30-Day Money Back Guarantee”.  I’d imagine they won’t want the Skittles back after I’ve consumed them, particularly after 30 days, but hey, it’s nice of them to offer.

Leave a Reply