Dear JoJo – Is Fresh Breath Worth a DUI?

By Joanne Kong

Twitter: @kongfu4u

DEAR JOJO:  I was driving down East Chandler Heights Road in Gilbert, Arizona at 11:35pm last month singing to Taylor Swift on the radio when I noticed my breath.  Dinner was heavy in garlic and it took two verses to notice how offensive my breath had become.  Luckily, I always keep a small bottle of Listerine in my glove compartment.  I rinsed my mouth, swallowed the Listerine (since I had no where to spit it out) and was placing the bottle back in the glove compartment when I suddenly noticed the traffic light change.  I slammed the breaks a second too late and rear-ended the car stopped at the light in front of me.  The police were prompt on the scene.

One officer asked, “Sir, did you have anything to drink tonight?”

I replied, “One glass of wine with dinner.”

Next, they asked me to take a breathalyzer test.  I was shocked when the officer asked me to step out of the car and informed me that I was driving under the influence.  I tried to explain it was a mistake and reached for the glove compartment to show them the bottle of Listerine when one of them drew their weapon, pointing it at me and shouting ‘keep your hands where I can see them!’  I tried to explain it was the Listerine, but the officers were insistent that I remain quiet and get out of the vehicle.  I’m not dumb enough to argue with a gun pointing at me, so I stepped out of my vehicle and was immediately arrested for driving under the influence.

My question is:

My soup is too hot, what should I do? I’d appreciate the help. — FORMER PHILADELPHIA QUARTERBACK and SIX-TIME PRO BOWLER.

Dear FORMER PHILADELPHIA QUARTERBACK and SIX-TIME PRO BOWLER: Try putting ice cubes into your soup.  Add one ice cube at a time and test so as not to dilute the flavor.  Enjoy! — JOJO

Disclaimer: Oh, come on. You didn’t think that was real, did you?

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