GarbageTalk: Chip Kelly, Football Genius Or Dingbat? Let’s Find Out!
Everyone, and particularly the Philadelphia Eagles’ faithful, is sitting on the edge of their seats this offseason, watching Chip Kelly’s roster moves and wondering … what in the hell is this guy doing? Does he have a master plan that will reflect a savvy football genius (that’s what Eagles’ fans are hoping for) or is he just another run-of-the-mill narcissist micromanager who is destined to fail?
Certainly the NFL media depict Chip as the former, a football genius. The media likes the fact that he answers all questions with ease and poise, unlike the grumpy troll, but proven football genius, Bill Belichick. Just recently, I saw an article on Yahoo where the author likened Kelly’s off-season moves to those made by Jimmy Johnson when he was hired by Jerry Jones to re-tool the Cowboys into a SuperBowl winning team. But that’s a silly comparison. Back when Jimmy was re-tooling the Cowboys, there was no salary cap. So Jimmy could go out and spend, spend, spend, to get talent … which he did and which is why the Cowboys won the SuperBowl in ‘92 and ‘93. Also, Jimmy joined a team that was terrible. People were expecting a lot of change.
Anyway, I’m here to tell you that it is way, way, waaayyy too early to compare Chip Kelly to any alleged football genius. Kelly has not yet done anything in the NFL. Truth be told, all we really know about Chip is that he is a control freak and a micromanager. It’s why he demanded that management let him control his roster. It’s why he makes all of the players adhere to a specific diet with personalized smoothies during the season to assure peak performance. It’s why Nick Foles said he was glad to be out of Philly and why Frank Gore took less money to play in Indianapolis. So if you want to make a comparison between Chip and someone else, you need look no further than the last micromanager coach that made the transition from college to pro … Greg Schiano.
That’ right. Schiano turned Rutgers football from a complete horror show to an arguably mediocre team, with some quality wins. At Tampa Bay, he failed. Chip, walked into a better college program at Oregon and took a decent team and made it great. He then walked into an Eagles program that had a lot of talent because of Andy Reid and kept it competitive. That is, until he let that talent walk …
Now if Chip were less of a micromanager, say like a Pete Carroll, I would be more inclined to be supportive of him and his potential genius. But Shiano proved that you can’t coach an NFL team like a college team, which is exactly what Chip is trying to do and explains why his talented players wanted out in the off-season.
Don’t agree that Chip Kelly is a control freak micromanager? Well, you don’t have to take my word for it. I talked to Chip very briefly while he was leaving the 2015 owner’s meetings, and was, in a very short period of time, able to confirm my belief. Here is the transcript, America:
FBGT: Chip! Chip! Eagles Nation wants to know what the hell you are doing to their team this season! Give me a sound bite. Do you have a plan or are you flying by the seat of your pants!
Chip’s Entourage: Get out of here. No questions.
Chip: No, wait. Don’t speak on my behalf. You’ll just effe it up. I’ll speak to this guy. Who are you?
FBGT: Name is John and I write a column, FBGarbageTalk where I talk about anything NFL.
Chip: Good for you. What do you want to know?
FBGT: Are you micromanaging the Eagles?
Chip: John, if pouring your heart and soul into making a team as good as it can be by knowing what’s going on at every level of the organization is wrong, then I’m guilty.
FBGT: So you are a micromanager.
Chip: What’s wrong with that if we win! It is important to not care who plays for you but to care more about whether you think the players you have will work in your system.
FBGT: So you have a plan?
Chip: Hell yes.
FBGT: So Murray was part of your plan from the get go?
Chip: Who cares. He is now!
FBGT: That’s what I thought. Good luck. Thanks for taking the time!
Chip: Thanks. And let me just add, stay strong Eagles Nation!
Well, that confirms it; Chip Kelly is the confident micromanager we feared he was and is no doubt flying by the seat of his pants. While time will tell whether his off season moves along with his draft picks yield a team that can win more than 10 games and get into the playoffs, I certainly hope, as a Giants fan, that time proves he is a dingbat and he did not improve an already functional and decent team. No hard feelings Chip, you just coach the Eagles. I think the appropriate hashtag here is: #sorrynotsorry.
Disclaimer: GarbageTalkTM (this Column), is a news and football satire web publication. All articles contained within this Column are fiction, and contain presumably fake news. As such, any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental. All characters and events referenced, even those based on real people, are entirely fictional. Any and all overheard conversations referenced herein have occurred solely in this author’s warped brain and are meant entirely for entertainment purposes.